Useful on the floor too
It can be difficult to give feedback that asks for stopping or changing. You might enjoy being in the ropes so much you don’t want to get out. You might be scared that the person tying will get hurt or feel guilty if you say stop. You might have difficulties finding a way of phrasing what you need so that the person tying understands. If pain, breathing difficulties or dizziness is something that you enjoy to explore, you also have to be able to distinguish feedback about that from the kind of feedback that means you need a change. That is quite a challenge. Here are some tips that can be helpful:
Be precise about how much time is left until you need to be out of the ropes. Examples:
– I need to get out immediately. Consider cutting the ropes. (Note: cutting is not always the fastest option. Your rigger should have an idea of what cutting would imply, not just cut blindly because you tell them.)
– I will need to get out within 5 minutes, so start untying.
– I’m in no hurry, but I want to gradually start the way out of this.
– I can be in this position another couple of minutes, then I need a major change of weight distribution.
Be precise about what your situation is and what needs to be done. Use verbs to describe both what is happening to you and what you want the person tying to do. Examples:
– I can’t close my hand. I need to get weight off my lower arm now. Can you lift me out of this position?
– My foot hurts. It is not dangerous, but it would be more comfortable if you moved the knot on the rope away from the ankle.
– My upper wrap is sliding. Can you give more of my weight to the hip rope so that I can balance on it?
– I am curious about increasing the inclination of this suspension. Can you raise my legs more?
– I would love to try and take more weight on my chest. Not sure it is functioning, but can you try slacking the line to the arms?
Be aware of the risk that your rigger might be too confused to know what is your left and right – this is a problem many people have even when standing next to each other on the street. Try out other means of directing attention to different body parts. Consider emphasizing speech with for example looking, wiggling the toe or nodding the head (if you can). Consider alternative spatial specifications, such as:
– Closest to the floor
– Closest to the ceiling
– Closest to you
– Closest to the wall
Discuss with the person tying you what kind of non verbal signs are possible between you, and if there are any responses that your body gives automatically that indicates that the person tying should be more alert.
– Intentional: non verbal safe words and other non verbal communication tools is a good thing for me, since I become a bit slow with speech in certain head spaces. To clap out martial arts style is usually not an option when in suspension, but someone checking on your hands and you squeezing them back to show that you are ok is a quite common one. It is completely possible to invent whatever you are in need of here here, as long as you agree and don’t rely solely on one sign- it can be quite complex to overview a whole suspension, so if your sign is to point your feet or open your eyes in a specific way, make sure to do it so that your rigger is aware and don’t rely solely on one non verbal safe word for the whole scene. Wether you use it or not: to invent some kind of common language is a great exercise for learning more about each others skills and communication styles.
– Non intentional: sometimes riggers who know the person they tie with very well talk about looking for certain signs in the body of the person they are tying: fluttering hands, cold sweat, shallow breathing or blue fingers can be indications that someone needs to be in a more restful position soon even though they are not expressing it verbally. But people are very different when it comes to physical reactions. Try to observe what happens to you in situations of strong physical stress, so that you can pass the information on to the people who are tying you.
Be prepared to deal with strong emotions and sensations. To do rope, not least suspensions, can be both painful and in other ways physically demanding. It can also invite strong feelings of vulnerability, anger, horniness, happiness, closeness or disconnection. Since the experience of suspending someone and the experience of being suspended are so extremely different in terms of physical impact and sense of responsibility, you and the one you have been tying with might indeed be in very different emotional places once you get out of the rope. There is no one single formula for how to deal with this, but some thoughts I find useful for the present are:
– Don’t give too much verbal emotional feedback, especially not while you are still in the ropes. You are in a physical situation that demands your concentration, and if you raise a complex emotional question while you are in it, you take a risk. Note, this is not the same thing as not putting limits! If you need to get out of the ropes for psychological reasons, you can of course say “I’m not feeling well, take me down”, but don’t start a long conversation about it until you are physically free. Focus on what you are doing in the moment.
– You might lose your voice control a bit, both if you have a strong emotional reaction and if you are in extreme pain or have a difficulty breathing. If that happens, you might want to be extra precise with what you actually want to say, so that your voice level doesn’t overpower your statement (no matter if it is “I like this” or “get me out of here quickly”).
– Be attentive and careful with new and unknown emotions or sensations in the ropes. If you never felt dizzy in the ropes before, maybe don’t stay in the dizziness so long the first time. Expand your field of manageable emotions gradually.
– Try not to panic without very good reason. If you tell the person you are tying with to untie and the person does so, it is only a matter of time until you are out.
– If the one tying you panics (quite a common reaction if they are frightened that you might not be ok), stick to looking after your body and take responsibility for that before you take responsibility for the emotions of the other. If it happens to be that you are actually quite ok, you can tell them that and remind them that they don’t need to hurry. If not – again, try not to panic.
– Do you have a problem finding good answers to general questions such as “how are you feeling?” and “are you ok?” while you are deeply focused on handling being in suspension? You are not alone. But people tying you are probably curious about these things, so it can be useful to find a strategy for how to answer that when nothing really comes to your mind. Maybe let it be about your breathing, since that is an important key to keeping focus? I’m going to try that in the future, but I am also happy for other advices.
– PS. This one is on my wishing list, not developed to a satisfying degree of concreteness. Someone talked to me about the necessity of knowing and being able to regulate what kind of emotional bond you want and need to establish to the person you are tying with, at least in the moment of the scene, in order for the experience to be both safe and meaningful. I think this is both crucial and very complex to me. I will hopefully get back with hands-on advice in the matter within the span of my life time.
SANSBLAGUE AND BERGBORG 